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This season, Farmers Choice has announced two exciting new additions to their line of Poultroid Modifoods: The Magnum Monobreasted Family-Style “Big-Uns”™ and the hot new Multilegged Minichickens™ for Kids!
Four extra drumsticks are part of the company’s new line of wingless, six-legged pre-seasoned Minichickens™ that all feature the very latest in soft-bone technology. The six pre-perforated snack legs on each tiny faux fowl are designed to be both stiff enough to be held by toddlers yet soft enough to be safely chewed and digested.
“We wanted to give our children natural farm-raised chicken-style poultry products but found that after sedating them for dinner, the regular large-sized conventional drumsticks were simply too hard for them to hold!”, said busy mom Mindy Meyerson.
The new Multi-legged Minichickens™ come pre-packaged with all the healthy fixens you’d expect from Farmers Choice including: microwaveable mini-corn earlets, and crunchy bite-sized salad-stick bars filled with real ranch-style dressing centers. Best of all, the Farmers Choice poultry-style Minichickens™ are raised through a patented process that inundates the modified micro-fowl hourly in a delicious barbecue seasoning as they grow. The “live seasoning” process provides both flavor and exercise for the tiny multi-legged marvels who must swim vigorously to avoid asphyxiation beneath a sea of spicy mesquite-flavored liquid rub.
“Farmers Choice hasn’t forgotten white meat lovers either!”, said bubbly biotechnician Dale Redbone. “Families with growing teens will love our new pre-barbecued Magnum ‘Big Uns’!” ™ . Six times bigger than a typical chicken but without the typical chicken-like appendages, the hearty Jumbo Mono-breasted ‘Big Uns’!” ™ have been specifically designed with a streamlined spinal “stem” that remains attached to the core of its massive mono-breast until it drops off naturally at maturity.
“My family just loves the farm-fresh flavor but we always used to fight over the white meat!”, screamed soccer mom Laurie Lehrer.
“Now there’s more than enough to go around! Best of all, clean up is a breeze!” The ‘Big Uns’!” ™ offer another wonderful ethical value to conscious consumers. Since the self-contained mono-breast detaches at maturity from the spinal stem, the ‘Big Uns’!” ™ are technically “ripened” rather than slaughtered, making them a family-friendly vegan option! |
