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Here Goes Nothing
In the beginning there was nothing. The most abundant thing available
was absence, a commodity so common that it was worth absolutely nothing. Fortunately, this was considered quite a lot in those days.
In the beginning, not only anywhere you went, but also everywhere you didn't go, you'd invariably find absolutely nothing whatsoever to distract you. Miles and miles and miles of it. It was sort of like Fresno, only more exciting.
Now you might imagine that the nothing eventually became so bored with itself that it simply got up and left. If so, you'd be wrong. For this would have left something in its place, which obviously there wasn't. Apparently, the nothing seemed to find itself
somewhat entertaining.
Nonetheless, the nothing felt empty and full of longing.
For no matter how hard the nothing pumped itself up, it still couldn't get a date, not even with itself, which was really rather embarrassing.
So how, you are very likely wondering, did something finally start to happen?
No one really knows.
And that is why unknown sources state quite authoritatively that for no reason whatsoever, something moved on the face of the waters. Of course we're not talking about real water here but void-water, which is very similar to nothing, only runnier.
And once something began to move on this runny void (which was simply nothing a bit watered-down), it is reported that
nothing muttered something like:
"Can I get you a light?"
And something said "Sure! Let there be light!"
And apparently that's all it took. Because suddenly the stars went on like a pair of headlights, the sky leapt off the unmade bed of the earth, shook itself
all over like a wet spaniel, and bounded straight up into the heavens.
Really. Nothing to it.
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